Reminiscing of days gone past

Hey, do you guys know about that MPH Writing Competition that ended last month?

Yeah, that one. The one where the Top 6 got a subnotebook among other things for the teenagers category.

Yep. The very same.

Did you know I really wanted to join that competition? Not because I liked the topic, but because of the prizes. C'mon. A subnotebook! That would have been perfect for my mum to bring to school instead of lugging her heavy one which she doesn't have the strength to carry. The limit of 4,000 (4k! I was so happy) words is a small price to pay for a chance of getting a subnotebook. Miniscule. We can't afford to just buy one even if my mum needed it. So I really wanted to try and win it.

That's the thing.

Because I was actually aiming to win, every idea I had was verbally abused, spat on, torn up, trampled on and burnt to crisp by my worst--and best--critic.

And so 31^st March came and gone. Just like that. Without me ever once sitting down and typing more than two sentences for the topic.

"Staying or Leaving". It was either one. You either write about staying, or you write about leaving. They weren't picky. You could even write about both!

It was all usual, normal ideas. Leaving the country. Staying in the country. Both my siblings had decided to "leave" to further their studies overseas; I had first-class information.

Even IF I could have made it interesting (which I sorely doubt), who'd want to read about that? I'd have felt disloyal to Malaysia, anyway.

I never stopped long enough to think. Every first thought, as I had said, was taken, verbally abused (though only in my head), spat on, torn up, yada yada the whole thing.

“What is it like to leave everything you are familiar with behind? So many young people are moving from kampongs to towns, leaving to study overseas, travelling, or even migrating. If not us, we may have older siblings, relatives, or friends who have left. Is the idea of leaving an exciting or daunting prospect for you? Even if it’s only for a little while?

“What about those who are left behind? They stay in places because they want to, or maybe because they can’t afford to go far. Do they feel lucky that they are staying in their comfortable and familiar homes?

“Think about families and friends: staying in a long-term marriage or a relationship with a first love; children staying with one parent when the other leaves; someone who considers leaving a friendship. And think metaphorically also: when someone excels in their studies or work, they leave their old status and find themselves in a “new world”.

“This year’s theme is Staying and Leaving. We want you to capture the idea, or even the moment, of what it means to leave or remain in a place. It can be set in your home, a meeting spot, perhaps a strange place for the first time, or anywhere that evokes some significance.
We want you to capture the thoughts and emotions that are experienced, smiles and words that are exchanged, the looks on everyone’s faces, and the sense of belonging or not belonging.

“You may write from the viewpoint of staying or leaving. Or, if you’re really ambitious, on both the concept of staying and leaving—like the moment when the door closes, and one person is left standing inside while on the other side the other person walks away, quietly.”

You have no idea how much the two last paragraphs called out to me. I wanted to capture it. The emotions, the smiles that were exchanged, the words that were not. The beauty of language lies in the fact you need not use so many words, to capture that one moment. It is your skill with words, that enables you to.

It was a challenge. Even if I wasn't ready, I wanted to take it.

Some may laugh. A fifteen year old going up against other fifteen year olds, sixteen and seventeen. I know a few--okay, a lot--of sixteen and seventeen year olds around the world that can wipe my English on the floor anytime with theirs. My vocabulary and grammar can't hold a candlelight to theirs. I never knew what asphyxiated meant before I met them. I never knew a word like sporadic existed. And digress? Even my sister didn't know what that meant. And they were only fourteen and fifteen at that time.

But I still wanted to try.

But as Fate seemed to have it, I never had an idea good enough. Until today. Maybe this was Karma getting back at me for all the wrong I've done. Seems like it.

Leaving. Subconsciously, I knew that that was what I had meant to do all along. Just reading the short phrase, imaginary friend, made me think, isn't it sad to leave behind an imaginary friend? How the child slowly loses interest in him/her? How they stop pestering their parents they needed an extra set of cutlery for their imaginary friend? Isn't it sad?

It struck me then. What I would have liked, no, loved to have written for the competition, had I been in time.

Leaving Behind Your Childhood. Leaving to Enter the Teenage World. The world of raging hormones and drama.

The innocence of childhood. I don't know about you, but I was struck by its simplicity. The child-like curiosity. Just the pure, pure, untainted innocence.

Imaginary friends.
Eating toothpaste.
Always saying, "My dad's better/stronger/smarter than yours."
Girls saying, "Boys have cooties. Ew."
Boys saying, "Don't touch girls. They have Girl Germs."
Believing in Santa Claus.
The Toothfairy.
Fairies.

Have you noticed, almost all the books with fairies in them happen to have main characters aged 12 and below? Or maybe the occasional 13. Not the gory sly tricky green-skinned fairies thing--but the sweet, inviting, sparkly world of fairies.

Enid Blyton. Definitely in.

Ever wondered why these fairies never seem to appear to adults?

Because they've lost their pure innocence. They've been exposed to all the hurt and pain in the world, and they hated it. Hate. They weren't pure any longer. They nurtured the feeling of hate, of fear. They stopped believing in fairytales. Happy endings. All things bright and beautiful. They didn't have a child's trust. A child's naivety. A child's belief. A child's patience and eagerness to learn.



They were amused so easily. Imagine these,

A little toddler, blowing a lone feather from her fingertips only to recapture it in her hands, giggling as she did so, as it drifts slowly downwards, only to bring it up once more and repeat the action.

A butterfly alighting softly upon a child's nose as it playfully swipes at it and runs after it as it flutters away.

Someone closing their eyes and opening them with a small, "Boo!" in front of their faces.

Tickling them. Stretching out a finger and watching them tug at it, or bite it.

Their first words.

Their inability to pronounce correctly.

Running around and getting dizzy and ending up hugging a random stranger's leg instead of their own parent's leg.

Being able to point at people and laugh without said person getting offended. Much.

Plucking a dandelion to blow its seeds.

Sneezing as pollen gets into his/her nose.

Having tea parties. Pretending that the dolls drank the tea poured out for them.

Bringing toys around to show off to their friends.

Having security blankets that they never allowed you to wash.

Claiming to hate their older siblings in front of them, only to secretly admit adoration for said sibling once alone.

How you sing lullabies to them and they remember it for the rest of their lives.

How they can sense something is wrong even if you were positive you weren't acting any different.

How they imitate you, because they want to be just like you.

How they repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

How they always seemed to be having fun.




These children never stopped to think if they were happy or not. They just were. And that, is true happiness.

Children subconsciously want to stay happy all the time. If something upsets them, they won't think long about it. Like if a parent was missing; they won't ask about it. They'll just accept it, lock away the sadness and go about life just so they can remain happy. Once you turn into a teenager that's no longer the case. They'll always ask.




I remember whenever my father left for business trips, all three of us won't speak to him for a minimum of 10 days when he returned. We would ask mum for the first few days and when we realised daddy really wasn't around, we would stop. We won't bother with him. And when he came back, he couldn't scold us. Only my mother could scold us during those times. He always had to be nice. If he wasn't, well. All hell would break lose.

Needless to say, daddy learned his lesson. He never went on business trips ever again unless he really, urgently, had to. He always came back with gifts to bribe us with for us though.

I also remember I threw a tantrum whenever he didn't tell me where he was going. He had to ask permission to go play golf each day. Or else I wouldn't speak to him. I believe he had to tell me he was going to the office to work each day, too. Or I wouldn't have let him leave.


Imagine if you were a husband and your wife treated you like this. You wouldn't like it. Nope. Only children could get away with doing this and getting presents at the end of it. Because when children did it, they were cute. When full-grown adults did it, they were controlling.

I was a very controlling baby. My parents told me they couldn't eat a decent meal whenever I was around. When I was in their lap, I never let a spoonful of food go past. My parents said whenever they brought the spoon towards their mouth, my hand would shoot out, grab their wrist and redirect it to my mouth.

They complained I was so greedy. I agreed. But I also think I was one smart baby ;D


Why did we have to leave it all behind?

If I could, I would love to relive my childhood. Playing jadi, watching cartoons, studying for spelling tests (yes, i was such a studious girl back then! no wonder it died off; i started so young), climbing window grills, eating porridge with bovril every morning before heading to JLH, playing treasure hunts and pretending gates were large forests.

I want to rewatch fairytales.

I love Mulan. Asian pride and all that. I always, always watched this whenever there was a storm and Astro couldn't get a signal.

The next show I watched during storms was Hercules. I had Megara's song "I won't say I'm in love" off by heart. And The Muse! Oh they were hilarious.

I want to watch Beauty and the Beast. Belle is my favourite Disney Princess. The only true bookworm.

I want to watch the Mickey Mouse classics, the black and white ones.

I want to watch Alice in Wonderland and see the Blue Caterpillar and the Queen of Hearts, even if Alice is my least favourite Disney Princess.

I miss Aladdin. I miss his flying carpet more, though. It was adorable.

Pocahontas. Meeko = Love. End of story.

Does anyone remember Fantasia? I used to hate it, because it scared me. Now I love it.

Peter Pan. Teddy and me!

Lady and the Tramp. The spaghetti scene. Oh the spaghetti scene..! /wall.

101 Dalmatians with Cruella Deville.

The Jungle Book and the bare necessities?

The Aristocats! From then on I always thought aristocrats were actually spelt aristocats and everyone else who spelt it as aristocrats were retardically challenged when it came to spelling.

ROBIN HOOD. Oh, I really can't remember it at all! So I wanna watch it.

WINNIE THE POOH and his hundred-acre wood! Oh chubby little tubby all stuffed with fluff he's Winnie the Pooh, ooh! Winnie the Pooh, little silly willy old bear! Roo was really my favourite character.

The Little Mermaid. She's got twenty thingamabobs.

The Lion King! TIMON AND PUMBA. Pumba = Love. End of story too.

The Hunchback of Notre Dame was beautiful.. I love "Someday". I love singing it.

TARZAN. OMG I LOVE TARZAN. It made me cry over and over again.

I remember Dinosaurs. Okay, maybe not, but still a little.

I remember the Emperor's New Groove. The TV series is lame.

Atlantis: The Lost Empire! I had laughed at his name: Milo. I'm sorry, I was young!

I want to watch The Powerpuff Girls and sing their theme song.

The Adams Family! dumdumdumDUM!

SHEEP IN THE BIG CITY with their OXYMORON products! I LOVE THIS.

Wow. This was one long post.

Who knew I could type so much?




Does anyone remember Corncurls?